Love is an endless whirlpool. It Sucks.

What do you do when you realize you still love someone despite all of the stupid things they have done to you?

I made a mistake over the winter break. I was desperate to see friends and escape the confinement of my house. After the constant snow storms and being snowed in with my mother, I needed to get away. It was New Years Eve and the only person I could go hang out with was Jordan, the old boyfriend. *NOT the firefighter, but my High School Sweetheart*

Having recently moved into an apartment with two other guys, Jordan was more laid back... more than I had seem him since we started college. He was more of the guy that I dated years ago. Well, after a few shots and annoyances in the form of High School students, we ended up locked in his room alone. I'm guessing that from reading this, it seems obvious what was to come, but I had spent the past 7 months convincing myself this guy had no feelings for me left anywhere in his heart. I didn't even acknowledge the mere possibility of something happening.

I was wrong. Responding with a nervous breakdown, I heard the words I never thought I'd hear. He was sorry, he didn't know why he did it, yadda yadda yadda, he wanted me. Nothing more than locking lips happened that night. Key word: that.

Now we're on good terms, having conversations on a nightly basis. Things feel like they did years ago. Things feel right. I have that butterfly feeling in the pit of my stomach. I want to giggle and skip around. I want to fucking shoot myself. I don't want this, and I definitely don't need this.

I've given up on love, and I just don't want to give it another run. Not yet. Not now.

And all I can think is that love is an endless whirlpool. You spin around and around.... you eventually get back to where you once were, but things are a little different and they just keep on spinning. Eventually it gets to be too much and you are completely sucked in. What happens then, I have no idea... can't say I've ever been on the other side of a drain. Maybe one day. Until then, I think I'll attempt to paddle in the opposite direction.