Smart Girl, Smart Porn

Random ramblings on sex, politics, and the crazy mishaps that always seem to come my way. Oh baby oh baby.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

What the hell...Unfriended?

As I sit here on this shuttle bus back to Salem, trying to hold down my lunch, I’m wondering what the hell happened.

The firefighter and I are no more. For once, I was actually the dumper. When I got home Wednesday night (after one hell of an experience at PDX), one of the first things out of my mother’s mouth was concerning FF and all of his “red flags”. Apparently, being the gossiping elementary school teacher she is, my mother went to everyone telling them all about FF. And, according to her, everyone was freaking out and worried about me.

Now, to be completely honest, I’m not sure whether or not the cancer story is/was real. Yet, as a wise guy friend pointed out, every male has a terminal illness at one point in his dating life in order to cover the insecurities of losing a gal. Low, yes, but I guess I can understand. My problem is the fact there are so many inconsistencies in all of his stories, and I’ve been a bit sceptical about it all for a while now. When I found out that the scepticism was not just me doing a solo dance, that was it.

So I broke up with him. The actual reason was that he was sort of sketching me out at the moment, but I just told him that I just wasn’t ready for another long distance, serious relationship (which really, I’m not). He gets upset, but I didn’t realize to what extent until the next morning.

He “unfriended” me. On Myspace.

And not only did he unfriend me, his buddy who I used to work with followed suit.

Now I’m thinking wow, you’re kidding right? Not even my old buddy David unfriended me after I “ruined his life again” and he responded by threatening to kill me. I honestly don’t care though, it seems quite a bit petty and insane to unfriend a girl after she breaks up with you because she “can’t handle commitment at the moment.”

Needless to say, I’m done. No more stressing over crazy guys, immature assholes, or mixed signals. I’m single, so whatever happens, happens.

Oh boy, this is gonna be good.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Stuck on a swanky swell?

Ah Horsefeathers...

Isn't it just great when you meet someone that you think is just the bee's knees, and they turn out to be just another wet blanket?

So I have a little bit of beef right now, and I blame it on a weekend that was all wet and turned out to be a complete flat tire. Friday night, after a little too much giggle water, we left the dead soldiers behind and moved across campus for a little bit of baloney. Now my gang and I were a bit corked, but were nothing compared to the guys we joined up with (who were completely fried to the hat).

It was all Jack, until some ossified big cheese started feeding me lines. Maybe, in my zozzled state, I was a bit of a pushover. Sure, he wasn't much of a Sheik, but he definitely had It. Plus, I guess I was sorta carrying a torch for the guy, even though I may have been acting like quite the Dumb Dora when I ignored my buddy's pleas that I "don't take any wooden nickels"... Yet, after a little cash right on the kisser, it was too late for me. But to be level with you, it really wasn't a drag at the time.

Now I'm all balled up, because the Bank's Closed, and I feel as if I'm being given the high-hat. But then again, what can I expect? I've come to the conclusion that I am ab-so-lute-ly the Queen when it comes to awkward situations after some spifflicated petting (and then some).

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Don't Mess With Texas

The Supreme Court is up and running this week, denying consideration to whether or not a Texas law is unconstitutional. The law, which is being questioned by an adult bookstore employee, makes it a criminal offense to promote sex toys in the shape of sexual organs within the grand old state of Texas. Kudos to whoever thought that one up.

According to CNN, the employee was arrested in El Paso after "showing two undercover officers a device shaped like a penis and telling the female officer the device would arouse and gratify her." Well thank you Captain Obvious, I had absolutely no idea that a penis-shaped device could hold such mystic power.

But something about this is just rubbing me the wrong way. The fact that Texas has the time and resources to promote such a petty law blows me away. Don't we have some rights to privacy? Shouldn't this include what we do behind closed doors, and furthermore, what we do it with? Yet, because the Supreme Court won't hear the case, the law will continue to serve as a kick in the balls (or ovaries?) of anyone trying to get their rocks off.

I'm just left wondering what exactly are Texan politicians suggesting we do it with anyways? Please guys, I'll be waiting here eagerly with open ears.