Smart Girl, Smart Porn

Random ramblings on sex, politics, and the crazy mishaps that always seem to come my way. Oh baby oh baby.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

An epic adventure, and an epic "woopsee"

I'm not a fan of Hookah bars. However, when a friend of mine wanted to go for her birthday, I swallowed my hatred and happily went along with the plan.

The plan was to pile into cars, and caravan down to Springfield to a hookah bar someone located on Myspace. The description also mentioned Oxygen bar, and Gentleman's club, but for some reason we didn't catch the Gent Club red flag.

After an hour drive, an emergency stop at a sketchy burger joint, and some frantic efforts to save the lost, we arrived. Silhouettes. There it was. The holy grail of sketchy strip joints, complete with no legal parking next to it. We piled out, and parade on in, with the two guys in our group being cheered on (they were with 8 girls, after all).

We walked in, and to our surprise, it is DEFINITELY not a Hookah bar. There is a hookah. A. Singular. One. And lots of strippers.

But the best part? The birthday girls were dragged on stage to receive lap dances from 7 strippers. There was a lot of grinding, groping, sucking, biting, and I swear to god motorboating. We came for hookah, and we got motorboating. Wow. What can I say other than wow?

Uh, guys, can we go back for my birthday too?

Thursday, September 07, 2006

If that were the case, I'd have done better.

Sophomores in college, yet some can't resist the temptation to start those good old "she's a whore" rumors.

"So guys, did ya hear? After Jordan broke up with Beth, she slept with five, COUNT 'EM FIVE, guys this summer! Wow, what a whore she is! LOL!"

Oh, wait, lets call her old best friend and tell her too. And everyone else that would listen but probably doesn't give a shit.

Okay, so I'll admit that there were some moments over the summer I don't recall all too well. However, I'm sure not remembering those five guys. If anyone has any information on the identities and/or whereabouts of these men, please let me know.

And as for my good old buddies who think I've become a whore, give me a break. You know that if that were the case, I would have done better. A lot better. Five guys? Over three months? Pff, give me a break!

Plus guys, its not the quantity of guys I sleep with, but the quality. That's what keeps them coming back. But hey, that's right, how the hell would you know? I don't expect you to know that, despite how many little myspace whores you've weaseled into bed.

Monday, September 04, 2006

World News Makes Me Mmmmmm

(this is my unedited news column for the Collegian... they took away my wit, so I had to put it somewhere)

Great Britain

Amongst much controversy and speculation, a new mock documentary originating from England is set to premier this month at the Toronto Film Festival. The 90 minute film “Death of a President" portrays the assassination of President George W. Bush Jr. and the investigation into a Syrian-born man that ensues.

Using a combination of acting, archive footage, computer effects, “Death of a President” sets the President’s final moments in Chicago as the target of a sniper during an anti-war rally in 2007.

Aiming to be a political examination of the effects on American politics after the War on Terror, the film has hit a sore spot for the Republican Party. Describing the film as sick and disturbing, the party has called for the film not to air in America because they can’t believe many will want to see it. However, Americans will probably be all over the film, more so than that trashy first episode of American Idol.

Greenland

Scientists in Greenland have recently released the results of a study in which it was concluded that polar bears genitals are in fact shrinking. According to the National Environmental Research Institute of Denmark, the shrinkage is due to high levels of toxic industrial pollutants accumulating within the blubber of many artic animals, including seals who serve as the main food source for polar bears.

Already having one of the lowest reproductive rates, the decrease in genital size could pose a huge dilemma for the bears by making reproduction less successful. Unfortunately for our furry friends, size does matter this time around.